PYTHIA / YANG
Hombros Delicados
Intro
Do you remember/
your very first kiss?
I wish that mine would
have been
on my shoulders.
I jump still, when people touch/ or
tap me there, as
I don't like them
to be touched/ or held.
Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine have led a field in psychotherapy into biophysical responses that have "stored" themself in the body of traumatized individuals, and developed methods to help release this stored trauma with trained professionals.
This particular essay focuses on one part I have seen as a common "stored" trauma of mine: the shoulder area.
This essay is entitled "Delicate Shoulders."*
*If you are feeling anxious at all, please take a break and step outside. This is meant in no way as a medical treatment.
Stored Trauma: A PhotoEssay
a Visual Narrative Segmented into Touch | Exposure | Safety | Love
& Subsequent Part II
Touch
What is a touch to you?
Are you taken, shaken?
Or are you repulsed?
Where once I felt violence
Now I just pull away...
from startled friends
and those who wish to be close to me...
This is an exercise in loving myself that I recorded.
I focus on my shoulders where there has been much stored trauma in my past.
It's not a medical treatment in any way, shape or form. Please contact a mental health professional if you are needing help.
Exposure
can you see me
can you feel me?
covering up / my stored pain?
nightrain/ another dimension
of time/ space and/ when touches on my body
were unauthorized/
unwarranted
and/ unwanted.
Let me show these shoulders of mine,
in my own time.
Safety
Do you remember/
your very first kiss?
I wish that mine would
have been
on my shoulders,
but only by people I give permission to.
So, do not touch me,
unless you ask me first.
Until then, do not be offended
if I recoil or ask you to
step away...
Love
I jump, sometimes, when people touch/ or
tap me there, as
I don't like these shoulders of mine
to be touched/ or held,
by just anyone.
Only gentle kisses,
and by someone I intimately trust,
and who has asked my permission to,
out of respect
and love.
Part II: Meta
A Lesson on Continued Personal Intimacy with My SELF
Take 1
The sorrows now my soul has known
all comes down to this
one striped
black and white truth:
I never knew ...
Take 2
...what true love was/
or how to even
begin.
Take 3: Recovery
How long I have waited
for an imperfect lover
a "love like no other"
instead of the most
highest version / of me.